A builder of belonging: Spencer Pride Founder, Judi Epp, leaves legacy of creating community

Judith "Judi" Epp did not wait for community to find her. Instead, she built it steadily, visibly and with a kind of courage that made others feel less alone.

Epp, one of the founding board members of Spencer Pride and a beloved community member, passed away at the end of November.

The Spencer Pride commUnity center, one of the many tangible reminders of Epp's legacy was overflowing with more than 200 individuals attending a celebration of life for Epp last month.

And per her final wishes and ever true to her nature of building for the future, the celebration of life also served as a fundraiser for the organization she helped create. She had it all planned, leaving her family to just execute the plan.

"She wanted Truman and Lucie to do the music. She wanted Jonathan to speak, and she knew that I couldn't," Jacob Balash said.

Jonathan Balash's remarks are recorded and posted to the Spencer Pride Facebook Page.

Balash and his husband, Jonathan, met Epp and her late first wife Beverly Camden in 2007. Balash heard about Epp's efforts to start a PFLAG in Owen County on BloomingOUT radio.

"It wasn't long and we realized that it wasn't adequate," he said. "We realized that straight people didn't want to talk to gay people about their gay kid. It needed to be a straight person talking to a straight person about their gay kid. So we were like, we do think this is a very important organization that we've created, but it needs to be more focused towards queer people, and so then we created Spencer Pride."

But Epp wasn't just a co-founder of Spencer Pride with Balash.

"Our relationship with Judi just sort of evolved. We found each other, and then we created pride, and then that relationship got deeper," he said. "It's interesting how we started out as just co-creaters, like we're going to do this thing because we're passionate about this, and then she just became family."

One of those significant deeper moments came when the Balash family considered expanding by having their son Truman.

"She approached us when Truman was in the oven and said, 'I've been Aunt Judi to lots of children, and that's great. And if there's any way, would you consider me being Grandma Judi to Truman?' I was taken aback by that because it's so sweet," Balash said. "I think titles are important, and I said, 'So if you did it, it could never go back. You will always be Grandma Judi no matter what.'"

And the permanency of such a title was never an issue for Epp.

"She's always been Grandma Judi to Truman, forever," Balash said.

Eventually, Epp's first wife Beverly passed away. The couple had been together for 40 years and married for 10 of those years once gay marriage became legal.

Epp then joined an online spousal grief support group and met Lucie Mathieu, whom she later married.

Approximately five years ago, Epp asked Balash to make her legally Truman's grandmother by allowing her to adopt Balash as her son. Though when Balash thinks about their relationship, Epp became family long before she legally adopted him as an adult.

"She's been grandma-mother for forever," he said. "I don't care about legal... What love tells you is real is real."

Epp and Balash shared tea and time together every Thursday and worked with one another on several projects and fundraisers for Spencer Pride throughout the years.

One of those projects was completed this year: installing an elevator to provide access to the upstairs of the Spencer Pride commUnity center.

While they all agreed accessibility was important, Balash thought the project would be toward the end of the list of renovations to the building that Spencer Pride owns, especially with a $200,000 price tag.

Epp insisted that it be moved up the priority list and secured a donation to fund the project.

"That was done this year. She rode in that elevator," Balash said. "I knew we would get it eventually, I just did not think it was going to be this year. That is all her."

In part of the area remaining to be renovated, the space will have a board room named in Epp's honor adorned with a 30-year-old African Violet that belonged to her.

"The nice thing is she has left such a legacy, and so many people that adore her and then are going to continue this mission," Balash said.

He said they wanted to raise more at Epp's celebration of life than they did for her 70th birthday, which they have done, though donations will be collected through the Owen County Community Foundation until the end of January. The extended time allows for donations to be made in honor of Epp's birthday month, as she was born on New Year's Day.

In addition, there will also be a blood drive in Epp's honor.

"When they were trying to save her, they used 20 units of blood, which was terrible. So we're doing a blood drive, and we're going to do 21 units of blood, at least, is the goal to try to give back to the community," Balash said.

He spoke about how important giving to others was to Epp who was also an organ and tissue donor. Portions of her skin was donated to help five breast cancer survivors.

"She was always focused on helping people and doing the best she could for the community," Balash said. "We want to continue her legacy...It's a lasting legacy that she has helped shape this community and make it what it is today just by being who she is, which I think is amazing. She realized early on that she was going to make life happen. She wasn't going to be the victim of life. She was going to take this and do the best she could."

He pointed to other aspects of who Epp was.

"She was a lesbian, a feminist, a career woman, when none of those things were acceptable," he said, adding that she did it anyway.

Balash also said she didn't take life for granted.

"She knew that she lived a fortunate life," he said. "She lived it to her fullest. So, as much as I wish she was still here, I think it's a treasure that she realized that she had a nice life. She was going to enjoy it. She was going to make the world a better place as much as she could."

He continued.

"Life didn't happen to Judi; Judi happened to life because she didn't just lay down and take anything," he said.

Epp was on what she called her decade of adventure, traveling around the world with her wife Lucie. The couple was scheduled to leave for a trip to the Galapagos Islands the day after she passed.

Balash spoke about Epp's belief in being authentic, bold, brave, unafraid of being visible.

"That's why Judi was so miraculous, and it was great that she was of a different generation than we were, and that she could show you, even a long time ago, you can live your truth, you can be who you are," he said.

In addition to filling the Spencer Pride commUnity center, several community members expressed their condolences and memories of Epp on social media. Balash said Epp had a way of taking care of and supporting others, knowing what they needed and providing it.

Former Spencer Police Chief posted "Glad I got the chance to hug you one more time. Going to miss that smile," along with photo from his retirement just a few months prior to Epp's passing.

Donald Bingham posted, "Tremendous loss not just for Pride but for the whole community. No, for all who work for a better world."

And Owen Valley Winery Owner Anthony Leaderbrand posted a tribute following Epp's celebration of life. "Today I was able to sit in a room and look upon the people who you touched. I listened to them speak of strength, power, intelligence, organization, resilience, dedication," he wrote. "I love you, and will never forget our conversations, and I will always appreciate your graceful spirit delivered with that beautiful smile challenging me to be a better person. You set the bar high, and walked the walk."

It was a sentiment that Balash shared in his own post, which he said was everything he wanted to be able to say at Epp's celebration of life but was unable to do so.

"When I got frustrated with people, she'd remind me that many folks are doing the best they can, and not everyone is built the way we are. She taught me to give grace," a portion of the post reads. "I'll continue working to make our community the best it can be --- creating the kind of love and acceptance she fought for and lived by."

Donations can be made online, by mail or in person to the OCCF with the memo Spencer Pride and Epp's name.